Beer goggles

How could I not have seen it? Beer goggles is a theory I would have happily accepted, had I been drunk. Beerless beer goggles are a strange, frightening thing.

So, two nights ago I met a Malaysian who, at the time, fit my definition of attractive. Clever coupled with sexually active and floating. I whored out my number and spent two subsequent nights talking with him over the telephone. All good. I was liking him even more. Though, yesterday evening I came to realise that he wasn't master material in the sense I'm looking for. He said he wasn't good at 'this sort of thing'. Apparently.

At the time, he had short hair, and fuller cheeks. And yes, it was dark. Though, my sense of judgment can't be this appalling.

I admit, the levels of desperation were slightly higher on that night out. I wanted to pull somebody attractive, I needed reassurance that It was possible, that I was possible.

So, we met today, and as I saw him, I realised that he had long wavy hair. How did it grow so fast. I thought it was short. And the rest was history I suppose. From that moment on I knew there would be no sex. I know that he wasn't attractive and that I had been deluded. I did try imagining him without the hair. But if it wasn't the hair, it was the cheeks, flat and dented. And if not those, then the lies he'd fed me. He said he was 39 and later admitted that he was 28. I asked him why he'd lied. He said I'd fallen for it. Why would I have had any reason to doubt him? What do you get from lying? Of course, he must have enjoyed me telling him how he didn't look a day over 27. Tut tut.

Half way through our meet he said he wanted to head downstairs so that he could buy some condoms (Yes, I think I attract those as weird as myself, some even weirder). Again, what was I supposed to say. I believed him. On his return, he said that he'd in fact gone to purchase some cigarettes.

Such a waste of time, the entire thing. Don't like long hair on men. Nope. Cigarettes. Most certainly not. Lies. Nuh uh. And this coupled with a distinct lack of personality was mere catastrophe. Ophelia, all Malaysian men are not attractive.

I feel totally gayed out. I need a woman. And I'm gonna get me one. Immediately.