Mary Poppins

A busy busy weekend, therefore, you'll have to forgive the late entry.

Now, if there's one thing that really rubs me up the wrong way, it's having to wait in an eternal queue which has no hope of ever diminishing. I suppose this is where the British part of me runs out screaming. Can't stand waiting around. Especially if the queue leads into a gay bar which is all hype and not much else.

GAY (the bar) is a place where you can wear your sexuality on your vivienne westwood sleeve and roam the floors (of which there are two) as you blatantly assess the fuckability of each of the people around you. And shame is something that really ceases to exist.

So, I went to meet yet another Gumtree Random (a 'GR' for future references as I'm sure there will be plenty yet to come). And after running around town trying to get there are early as I could, I managed to find myself at the back of the trecherous queue at 10pm. Innocently enough, the virgin in me thought that most queues disappear after around 9.30pm. Ha!...I laugh at myself and I laugh at my virginity.

So..in the queue, wondering if anything (anything) would faciliate me in my queue jumping ambitions,Ii came to the quick conclusion that quite frankly nothing would. A blowjob I could give would be beaten hands down by a thousand others. Why try when you're already a failure?

So I waited. And it get's worse. Those of you have been to this particular bar will know just how close a certain theatre is to the bar. And the queue runs along side the entrance to this theatre. And Mary Poppins is the current production on display.

And, little to my knowledge, the shows ends at 10pm also.

There we are, hundreds of Mary-Poppins-lovers gushing out onto the pavement, filling every inch of concrete available. And ofcourse, with every Mary-Poppins-lover comes a Mary-Poppins-Lover's husband/boyfriend/friend/escort. So we have a thousand Mary-Poppins-Lovers and Mary-Poppins-Lover's partners trying to find their way home, pushing up alongside an already bitchy angry queue of wannabe Mary Poppins'. By the time I eventually made it to the front, It would have taken much more than a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. So much more.

And for the first time, I wished that I too had a magic broomstick...oh the damage I could do.

So, once inside, I met the GR and his mate, and he was fun. The sort of bloke who belongs to the blazing squad...the asian version (yes, yet another one). Now, I know he'll read this and I know he'll text me to tell me that he thinks that I'm a tosser, but It's all a joke. In fact, I had a really good time with him. It's good when you can just have a fun time. Period.

And, the GR's mate has made me realise the importance of the 'fashion kiss' (I know it's european, but...well...it's still a fashion kiss').

Must kiss on both cheeks at first meeting.
If you like the guy, must kiss three times upon leaving.
If you don't like the guy, say goodbye and head for the tube (kiss less).

If it's a girl, kiss kiss kiss.. Kissing suddenly goes from queeny to classy.

Now, the best part of an evening out is the part where you have just bid farwell to your fellow sloshers and are scoffing down a slice (or two) of lovely london pizza, topped with chilli sauce. It brings the evening to a close. The pizza man will soon come to recognise me.

The highlight of last night was however seeing Big brother contestants Aisleyne, Pete, Nikki, Lea and Richard emerge onto the common London streets from a gay club called 'Shadow Lounge'. Mental note to visit this place in the future.

And I felt a little light headed. So, skipping over to the flashing lights (GR in tact), I couldn't help but yell..

'Aisleyeneeeeee, Aisleyeneeeeee....I love you....'.(topped with a blown drunken, kiss)

And she turned around and said thankyou. Though I know she didn't fancy me as she didn't look back. Oh, how I would have loved her to look back.