Consumption

I never used to enjoy clubbing. I was always too tired by 1am, or too insecure to really let me hair down. And I always thought the people who went and enjoyed clubbing were somehow below me. Somehow, slappers, slags, for all they were really going for was complete submersion in the land of lust (for that's precisely what a club is).

Oh, how the tables have changed. Now it's me who can't wait for friday to come just so I can go and cruise some other joint and decipher it the following day. I love it.

Arthur and I will be frequenting a series of gay bars/polysexual bars (I officially hate straight bars and Yates's is the worst bar ever) over the next few months, I've already told him this is to be the case, and he has taken on the role of my mentor. The next time I see him I shall whip out the contract.

I think I'll always be just as fascinated by the amount of drugs Arthur takes. And every time he takes a line of the white stuff up his nose, I'll still need to take a sharp intake of breath. It's one of those things that will forever shock me. Though I do hear that it's frankly awesome to have sex whilst high on coke. And apparently, as Arthur's brother pointed out quite rightly, Coke is very popular in the Gay community (yes, those that keep rejecting me). In fact, if you rub it over your ....rosebud...or your.....helmet (notice how even I can skirt around the words), it can give you the most thrilling orgasm.

Anyways...

Thinking back to Arthur, It's recently occured to me that he might be a sex addict. Not to say that that's a bad thing. I mean, what IS a sex addict? Having sex three times a week with regular people, though constantly looking to have your end away every time you see something pretty...And what about the times when you 'cheat' on your girlfriend? If you can't keep the snake in the charmer's basket, it could cause havoc!..And yes, I suppose desire is poisonous, as are drugs. The reason I come to this conclusion is that I firmly believe that if Drugs and Sex ceased to exist, so would Arthur.

Is it really so wrong to be selfish? We are all selfish in our own ways. Seeking the ultimate happiness whilst not really caring how many toes with tread over, or how many orgasms we give out undeservedly. I know I'm selfish.

I wonder what it might be like to give something and not even think about wanting something in return. It's possible surely wouldn't you agree?

Back to Arthur, Isn't it admirable? To be so consumed by something that you lose yourself. IT becomes you. How many of us could give up everything for pleasure? Everything? Even ourselves? Because this is what Arthur has done effectively. I wish I could do that.

I wonder who thought up the idea of monogomy. I wonder who decided it was right and moral to spend your life with just one other person? He's probably dead now and laughing at me as I write this...bastard!