Ugh!

Yet another movie this evening (Orange Wednesdays are one of the best ever inventions). And Indian film called ‘Don’. Stylish and raunchy with a few absurd stunts. Worth checking out.

Ah, so, the last entry drew 9 comments! Please have a read of these if you haven’t already. They’re highly interesting.

I believe my relationship with M is officially on the rocks. I feel terrible about it. Horrible. How do you tell somebody you have great feeling for them when you know, that as you think these thoughts, they are curled up with somebody else. What right do you have exactly? That in fact, your fate is only two days away. And there will be a telephone call and it’ll all be over. As though it never happened. What do you do?

The reason I didn’t give M’s character description the same humour as the others is because I was bitter. It had occurred to me earlier that night that what I had been doing for the past two years was giving out my emotions, giving them out so freely and walking into a well I’d eventually find it difficult to come out from. I thought to myself, why is it that M has all of my feelings and I have few of M’s?

So, I admit it, I wanted to make a point. And this has upset M considerably, which I’m able to understand, though I don’t know exactly what has tipped M over the edge where M now appears to be so unreachable.

Another point to mention is that M, of all the people I know, doesn’t require flattery in order to know that what I feel is something far greater than what I should be feeling. And M should know this. And this fact alone granted me the liberty of writing the description the way I did.

I am now required by M to justify my writing, to justify my observations and to justify my emotions. And I would (and am) though I don’t feel they should require justification in order to afford them validation.

This is becoming overly sentimental so I should stop and save the rest for the person to whom it matters most. Though, what remains a fact is that I’m a far better writer than I am a speaker. And this coupled with my inexperience renders me vulnerable. I wish people could understand that.

Moving on…

The documentary producer continues to woo me. It’s flattering that somebody thinks what I have to say is interesting. Indeed, it’s interesting speaking with her. She’s so different to me. But there’s something here I can sense. Something I could learn from this woman. The lessons however need coaxing out of her, but I feel on the verge of some spillage. Glasses at the ready.

Right, day = 70% shit (weather, M, lack of achievement.) 30% good (home is a comfort zone, family are free, food and a good film). Though, 70% it hasn’t been in a very long time.