Case of the Ex

Last night, in a conversation with an e-acquaintance, I tried to prod around his emotional cellar. He has recently returned to his ex, so that they can make a go of it. They missed each other, apparently, and ofcourse now the relationship will be ten times better because you can..LEARN from your mistakes.

I wanted to know why. Why do people do it. Why do they go back expecting it to be stronger when we all know it boils down to a lack of patience and hunger for familiarity.

I never would. Once bitten twice shy. And really, if it can break down once, is it really ever going to be its gleeming smooth, shiny self ever again?

I applied this principle to jobs. Once a job ended, I took it upon myself never to return. And I always expected better money. Without such hope, the purpose of life is somewhat deflated. Afterall, there's so much more out there for you to experience. So much. More than you'll ever know. And it's all for the grabbing.

Security: It can be a wonderful thing. And yes, that's probably why people return to their Exs, but is it necessary? Afterall, the reason you broke up, in the first place, was due to a clash of one thing or other. And the fact that this very thing ended your relationship would suggest that it was rather a fundemental characteristic. So, when you know things aren't going to work out once, why do people keep testing the water and burning themselves. Because pain is good? Because familiarity is less frightening? Because getting back out there on the dating scene expends too much time, energy and money? Probably.

Because, it's so much easier to go back to routine than it is to take a pick axe and carve yourself a new road.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps all it takes it is a rattle of the loved up cage to show you who means what. It could put things into perspective. Make you stronger. Still unconvinced.

Returning to the ex for sexual purposes I can just about understand. Crap at love, excellent at making each other come. Yes. But no strings sex with an ex really truly, honestly, officially doesn't exist. The strings are there alright, you have just wrapped yourself in them tighter than ever before. And once again you'll need a pair of new boyfriend scissors to cut yourself free.

Sometimes you can find it tremendously difficult to move on after a relationship because when something as important as this ends, it's almost as though somebody puts your life completely into your lap.

'Here, take it, it's all yours'

So many of us wouldn't have a clue what to do. We'd stare at it, maybe coo and caa, throw it a rattle. The truth of the matter is this: When it comes to our old relationships, we are all about as clueless as the non-maternal mother gifted with a new child. Helpless and pathetic.

And the cure: an evening class in childcare. You see, it's all in our hands. Sometimes we refuse to see it.

Experience is the key. Try harder to move on and you will. Why suffer and settle for something already proven to be unsuccessful.

Any comments?