Awakening

Yes, it's true, I should have posted an entry yesterday. And the truth is that I tried. But the computer died shortly before I went to publish the post. Computers do that I'm afraid. The love between my Laptop and I often blossoms too quickly and dies at the drop of a hat. And the computer knows full well that there really is shit all I can do about it. Hands up, I'm the submissive to my electronic mistress time and time again.

So, here I am (Now at home, away from London) writing to you from a full blown PC.

Yesterday I went to meet a couple of documetary makers. What they are in the process of doing is talking to a whole bunch of quirky virgins (yes, I'm quirky) and following their journey once they decide to lose it, the blessed thing that it is. Three things are very clear. MUST be a virgin (apparently there are people in this land who like to play the virgin fantasy a little bit too much, though I'm still unsure how exactly they'd test mine). MUST be willing to be filmed (potentially a great marketing ploy for this blog and would thus enable me to achieve one of my commercial objectives). And MUST want to lose it (the virginity that is)(though, ensuring any such loss took place wasn't a part of the plan). It's to be screened late at night and is on a national television channel.

There are two reasons I can't do it.

1) Because I have parents who are still alive. And like most parents, they wouldn't like to think their spawn was anything other than a perpetual virgin. Although, if you produce them a cute little chubby bundle of joy, I'm led to believe they might turn a blind eye to your incredibly male and dirty moment of weakness.

2) Documentaries are for voyeurs. People like to sit back and watch weird people tell a weird story. for if it was 'normal' in the bigger scheme of things, nobody would be quite so excited about making a film about it. So, a desire not be a part of a freakshow. Because, although virgins are many many things (most of them non-sexual), we are a dying breed, a rare species we are not freaks. Not even similar.

actually there are 3

3) I never once thought of my virginity as a burden and I never felt it turned me into a victim. Not once. Virginity has always been and will remain a weapon. A sword to my sanity, to my independence. So, if people are watching me and thinking...'oh, I feel sorry for him, he must find it so hard..blah f*cking blah. Not having any of it.

Of course there is a reason to do it. It would put me on a creative platform. It would be the branch from the tree that is the blog. And most importantly it would enable me to dispel every single myth about virginity.

What if somebody saw it. The sexuality and the virginity might just render me homeless. The people in my home town are incredibly good at Chinese whispers. Too good.

So, am still considering, though it might have to be a no.

Meeting the two documentary makers was great though. They were both incredibly attractive. I guess I always imagined people who worked behind the camera as not quite having the potential to face it. But they did. I'm wrong. I asked the guy (there was a guy and a girl) whether he was confident and if he was, what made him confident. He replied 'There's always a fear of rejection, it's human. But after a while, you just think, sod it.' I never quite thought of that. But it's bang on. Sod it. People in this life will say yes and others will say no, just like I do. In fact, I do it all the time and much of the time it's a no no no. Sod it.

So, the ball keeps rolling...