Heaven

Well, in terms of the gay scene, the club comes close.

The strangest things happened last night. And the most exhilirating.

6.00pm - The daily gumtree search (and my ad still hasn't appeared, though I'm led to believe it may take the most of two days!...not a happy bunny)

6.05pm - Came across an ad:

'Hi Guys, am looking for someone to go clubbing with. Was thinking Heaven tonight. I don't want anything more, just to have a good time and go to a club. Please contact me on..... if you're interested.'

So I did. Without even flinching. Sitting home alone on a Saturday night is enough to make even the most highly equipped socialite feel the lonely London chill.

7.30pm - a text. 'Hi, I have already found once person to go with, but you are more than welcome to join us if you'd like.'

10.00pm - Outside 'Heaven' (World famous gay club and door way to homosexual enlightenment...I expected what it said on the tin)

Now to the guys:
Both were Indian (funny that). One looked like a dark weasel, with a nice american accent. The other, a camp moody queen type (but he was!), and myself. An interesting combination, but quite satisfying for I felt this was a great idea. People who are known solely for their clubbing tendancies. Clubbing buddies, as opposed to fuck buddies (although I'm positive one might become the other given time and chemistry).

So, we met up and I had to deal with the questions..oh those blasted questions!
'So, are you 'out' to your parents?', 'Have you ever been in a relationship?' 'What are you looking for'

An answer in the form 'I don't really know' wouldn't really suffice I thought so answered them the best way I could. Now, how on earth am I supposed to explain the theory of open, eager sexual awakening to some stranger in the space of half an hour? Precisely, so I didn't.

And then we went inside after being man handled by the bouncers. Inside it was very seedy; now I love seedy, it makes me feel at home. The red lights and smokey purple hazes that climb througout the building (for it's a biggie, it has five floors, three of which were open last night. And there was a huge mixture of music. The main floor was pumping dirty house (I wonder what's so dirty about it?), the second RnB (coupled with the P diddy and Kelis wannabes humping with an arse so high it could almost have touched heaven and hell in one jerk).)

And the mixture and layout of the club means that I now prefer to G-A-Y. It's a bit more sophisticated, with a heap more talent. Beautiful women and men all crammed in. And lots of pulling, tongue thrashing, coming in your trousers (I wish) and going home as though nothing ever happened. And no, I didn't pull, though did see some potential masters, both of whom had boyfriends...F*** B*****

So, me and the dark weasel partied hard, dancing like we were the only one's in the world, was great. And the other boy seemed eager to go it alone. He prefered to 'stay on the first floor' whilst we explored further. And then we saw him, in the corner, getting down and dirty with a old dirty blonde cowboy type (ewww). That's what 'staying on the first floor' really meant. What made me curious was the fact that he would never do anything in front of us. He prefered to go it alone, slut around and come back looking like he's a dog who's just had three bitches in a row. His eyes held that post orgasmic look, and his tongue was still sticking out slightly...rather unsightly.

Now, in all fairness I'm far better looking and a better dancer than both of these boys put together, so why the hell didn't I pull. I put it down to standards (hear hear) and lack of sexual oozing ( something I really need to work on..and NOW). It probably wouldn't be so hard to pull if i was willing to suck off a dirty blonde grandad/bear.

So, we live and we learn and we have a great time in the process.

The lesson to learn for next time: Go with people who are good looking and who can dance well. Most importantly, If you don't end up pulling, atleast you'll have him to take home. Fingers in every pie. Covering your back is all so important in the gay community as the world is dog eat dog (bitch eat bitch doesn't sound as nice I'm afraid).

Ps. I did see two guys getting it on, hands down each others jeans, as they grinded. Sex on the dancefloor can be sexy, but the idea of receiving a cock shock, a flash or his stash, isn't the most appealing of sights. There are certain lines that even I would draw.