Filling the void

Hul!

Ideally, this entry should come before 'Last night' as this happened prior to that. But I'm sure you are able to understand, dear reader, the gravity of what happened last night and why it had to exist before this.

Much of yesterday evening was spent with what I have named 'The London Bridge Drugs Circuit'. This fine organisation, of which I am now an associate member contains Arthur, university friend and drugs conniseur and his brother and his brother's girlfriend together with a few other nameless controlled drug takers.

When I told you earlier that I was a virgin, I meant it in the sincerest way. I have never even smoked weed. And as for other drugs, I rarely get past distinguishing between which ones you eat, which you one snort, which ones you inject and which ones you spray over your genitals. But that's another issue completely. Totally different.

Arthur and I discussed sex, his ex(s) and his inability to control his phallus. What interests me most about Arthur is the control he has over the women (both past and present) in his life. It's a skill, surely a skill to be able to make women crave you even after they've spent months apart from you. But why do these women do it? What makes a woman surrender her soul at the blink of an eye? What makes a woman want to satisify somebody who has left an emotional void within her. Instead of cementing up the crater, why does the woman take out her pickaxe and begin to demolish.

I suppose the truth of the matter is that some people are happiest when they are miserable. And in the meantime Arthur is left with a whole host of edible women who line up one after the other offering themselves. It's admirable. I wish I had that. The abilty to always find something whenever I grope the air.

Arthur is also very unapologetic for the way he behaves, another admirable quality. Afterall it's so easy to regret. But what does it mean to regret when you have the intention all along of being unregretful.

And so, as the relationship talk came to an end (Arthur has a steady partner at the moment, it's probably worth mentioning), we were joined by the other members of the LBDC. And cocaine was the topic of discussion. When you spend much of your life with people who are as virginal as yourself, you can lose site of the things that go on all else where in the world. And it's a difficult thing accepting that you are a virgin in a world of whores.

So, when was the first time you tried any drug? I asked.
'When I was 14'
'When I was 15'
'When I was 14'

When I was 14 my idea of drugs was buying an asprin at the local pharmacy. How could i have missed out on so much and not have a clue?

Unlike sex, drugs is something I doubt i'll ever try for fear of succumbing to a power much greater than myself. Even Arthur has agreed that he'd rather give up the drugs than give up the sex. What does that say? Probably that Arthur is in someway addicted to both sex and drugs. Addicted to life almost. And surely that's a good thing. To live like there really was no tomorrow.

'It makes an otherwise boring life quite exciting' came a response to the question why?. Whatever happened to taking pottery classes I ask, whatever happened? Whatever happened to stamp collection.

This drugs issue has made me wonder what it really means to crave something that will make your life shine even in the darkest moments. Taking drugs is like life-hopping, you strut from one to another and back again. And then eventaully you're lost.

Despite everything Arthur is, something inside me can't help but wonder, inside every drug taker, is there a person we have yet to discover...