Me: 'So, would you say that your boyfriend is the dominant one in your relationship?'
M: 'Yes'
Me: 'and do you think this is why you are the dominant one in our relationship?'
M: 'I don't think so. I don't think it's deliberate.'
Me: 'Do you think you try and exert the power you want in our relationship as a result of not having that power in your other relationship. It's the perfect way in which a submissive can become a dominatrix.'
M: 'Not sure, but I doubt it.
Now, despite M arguing against this assertion I think it's true. I noticed it without M ever saying that M's boyfriend was the dominant power in the relationship.
So, after all said and done, we're back to the issues of power and control. Why can't sex be uncomplicated. Why can't be just be secure within ourselves without wanting to make our lover feel smaller? Don't get me wrong, fetishes are one thing, but all this subconcious power-playing is a seperate planet altogether.
M: 'I don't really discuss what my boyfriend and I get up to with you, partly because I don't think you'd be interested (which whore ISN'T interested in sex?) and partly because I don't think you'd like it (that's more like it). But, last time he was down, we had the house to ourselves and he was tied up the whole day. Literally, tied to a bed, spread eagled, all day. And I would occasionally play with him and then wonder on downstairs.'
Now, readers, what do we think? Wouldn't you be fuming by the end of this? A whole day tied naked to a bed. Having to piss (that's correct) on yourself. I'd be so angry. Red and bothered.
M: 'Well he was. And later when I untied him we had the hottest, roughest sex.'
Quite erotic. But it made me wonder.
Me: Do you think if we stopped talking, you would miss it? Especially considering you don't really need anything in terms of extra sexual satisfaction. Do you think you would be bothered? I mean, perhaps you like the idea of us, but don't really need it?'
M: That's an interesting question.
And indeed it is an interesting question. But, as I made M aware, if we were to end, I would miss the conversation, the friendship much more than the hot sex. And that's the truth.
And this is how M divulged a sexual secret. And I think I felt hurt. Not because I was jealous. Well, maybe just a pin prick. And I hate myself for it.
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About me
- Tainted Visionary
- London, United Kingdom
- The Opening occurs like a dream, solid sand amongst parted waves, Each murmuring a hymn. Slowly. There I stand, and there you are, Staring into the abyss.
5 comments:
I don't understand why you seem to think Sex is complicated? You're obsessesed with the fact that someone is less in control than the other! I think you complicate things by thinking it's all about control...Lets take doggy style - yes man in control, but a woman who knows what she wants and what she likes knows that this position is somewhat sexy as it touches buttons that don't normally get touched - deeper penetration!
Do you think it wrong to like Sex for pleasure? So if it wasn't complicated would it not excite you? Or is the complication what turns you on? I am confused now - because surely this goes against one of your entries that some people are happiest when they're miserable.
So will the notion of sex(as you repeatedly say you're a virgin, hence the word 'notion' - though i do wonder whether this true) never be pleasurable to you unless it's complicated?!
Perhaps I am missing the point somewhere along the line?
Anonymous (whoever you may be) you seem to have got very worked up by this particular entry.
Sex IS complicated, it isn't simple because there are too many emotions involved with the coming together of bodies.
The tainted visionary has no idea whether sex is complicated, how can he? It is merely his opinion. In my experience and opinion there is always one person more in control during sex than the other no matter how slight this control might be. It is the power struggle that can bring about the passion in a relationship and in sex.
I would love to know why this particular entry has caught your attention.
I do believe that the essence of the blog was really to do with the tainted visionary's feelings about 'M's' experience with her boyfriend.
If I had heard that about someone I was physically or emotionally involved with, my pang of guilt would not have been small it would have been enormous. I was once the 'other woman' for nearly 2 years and even though i never had sex with him, the thought of him sleeping with his girlfriend would make my blood boil.
Oh believe me, the virginity is stil in tact, I would know if it wasn't. The members of the slag group would be the first to know.
Okie, so "the tainter" is a virgin and sex being complicated is merely his opinion...I find this hard to swallow; both opinion and virginity.
But Desdemona, I take it you are of the sexual prowess variaty, thus the cherry has been popped and you have sowed all manner of seed - so this I beg you, why to someone like yourself is sex complicated?
Some view sex as pleasurable, some see it as releasing stress/tension, some a cheap fcuk, some to lose their virginity, and probably some to feel good about themselves. But I don't think the normal every day person thinks hmmm...I'm gonna have Sex tonight, - oh but it's so complicated! It's not it's as simple as being happy/sad!
Do you think twice before having sex and proclaim it complicated?! I think not!
You either have sex or you don't.
Surely things become complicated when the coming of 2 bodies involves some sort of deeper issue, like sleeping with someone else's partner or realising well actually you're turned on more by the same sex, but don't want to answer to the calling? surely that's complicated sex?
As to why this particular entry has caught my attention, well I'm not saying the others haven't - as a new reader the latest are always the best to comment on. But also this "comlicated" surrounding SEX baffles me immensely!
What is it about the opinion and the virginity that is hard to swallow? If you are of the same variety as me then is it because you are infact jealous of the purity because I know that at times I feel it and do wish that I hadn't always given myself away so easily.
I agree, the normal person doesn't think aboutt he complications of sex because the pleasure takes over but just because its not thought about doesn't mean its not there. The complications of sex are always present. I believe its just about whether you choose to acknowledge them. I think the author of this blog chooses to because he doesn't know or hasn't experienced the pleasure of it.
I've never had casual sex with no strings attached. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Therefore i have not experienced sex that is free of complications. maybe I am missing out.
I object!
The complication I refer to in this entry is to do with M and power. Nothing more, nothing less. And I'm not suggesting all sex is complicated. What I am saying however is that ALL (every last drop of) sex is underpinned by power play. When you have a one night stand, a cheap fuck (interesting choice of word there) or lose your virginity. The moment somebody knows that you're a virgin, it's a feather in their cap. Even though they may repeat over and over that it means nothing to them. If they were to say 'Yes, i want to take your virginity, that would turn me on the most' they'd be terrified they might never get it. Fundamentally Virginity is something that is always given, never taken.
And no, people don't think 'hmmm...I'm gonna have Sex tonight, - oh but it's so complicated! Because we are blind, in lust the way we are in love. Everybody knows that relationships can get complicated, but it doesn't stop you falling in love of being with somebody does it? Because you want a cure for your cause and you want to think about the side effects later on.
And a lot of what i'm saying applies to the human within us and not the girl out a friday night with her panties around her knickers.
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