woman manly, man womanly

'It is fatal to be a man or woman pure and simple: one must be a woman manly, or a man womanly.'

-Virginia Woolfe.

As she wrote these words I wonder what ran through Virginia's mind. Is there a suggestion that we can never feel complete, whole, satisified with just our sex? Is she suggesting that relying solely on our sex can be dangerous, even fatal, to our satisfaction as humans? Perhaps what she wants to say is that narrow mindedness is lethal, the edge of a blade millimetres from your skin.

What she is infact doing with the above words, is pioneering what has now become my revolution. A search for something more than myself, something greater. Somebody defined only by the traits we as indivuals possess. We have to make best use of ourselves in order to find that person deep inside. Perhaps if you've ever seen the film 'Saw' you might understand what i'm trying to explain. The concept that you have to use your own body to free yourself, even though it may involve a great deal of pain and anxiety.

Afterall, appreciation of the greatest happiness can only come when you've suffered the greatest sadness.

The fundamental thing here however is the ability to see yourself for what you truly are. A possessor of the mind, a mistress of your being and the master, able to mould and dissect, cut off the bits that get in the way. And heal. After each slice that comes off, there must be time left to heal. Only then will the skin stretch, harder, firmer, encompassing. And even the deepest of wounds are healed in this way.

Sexual awakening is in many ways similar to self harm. The cutting of the exterior to relieve the interior. Every time you sleep with somebody through lust alone, it's the output of your sexual frusation, like blood emerging from your veins. The internal sadness seeps out in your ejaculation. Ofcourse, touching heaven is impossible. It's always far easier to put your hand in the fire of hell, but touching heaven, that only comes with practice. A true sexual being can touch heaven through control and avoid desperation at all costs. I believe this is what sexual awakening boils down to. Would you agree?