Kama Sutra

Honey-sweetened milk in which the testicles of a ram or a goat have been simmered has the effect, when drunk,of making a man as powerful as a bull.

The yolk of a single sparrow's egg stirred into rice pudding that has been thickened with cream,wild-honey and "ghee" (clarified butter)has the same invigorating effect for giving one woman the strength of a thousand.

-Teachings of the Kama Sutra

And for the complete translation of the Kama Sutra click here (and believe me, it's worth every second) http://www.csd.uch.gr/~chrysos/kamasutra.html

Right, now that that's over.

So, I woke up incredibly late this morning. Not quite sure what happened. 11.45. I feel repulsed at myself for succumbing to dreams. Kensington really is a lovely area (that's where I live by the way). A world of bright paris hiltons strutting about. An array of mouth watering restaurants and shops, probably the worst sex lives imaginable. It's strange, but i'm pretty sure that those with the money to buy fuschia vibrators, limited edition porn (including, i might add, a leather bound version of Play boy), leather strap-ons and brass handcuffs probably never would. And what a shame that is.

And then I spent five hours studying the law of businesses. Don't get me wrong, I did it properly, for this is precisely the sort of information that will come in useful once i'm an official brothel owner. I wonder what it would say in the Memorandum of Association.

Back to the Kama Sutra. Something you should know is that I am Anglo-Indian. So this would explain the Kama-connection. I don't know exactly why you should know this, but you should. And no, that doesn't mean I'm turned on by licking a vindaloo off a vagina (or penis). In fact, I've never even tried a vindaloo..ha....chicken tikka masala? I hear you ask...well....perhaps;)

The Kama Sutra is the art of love, the art of sex, and describes just exactly where to put every part of your body in order to experience the best orgasms imagineable. Now, once you read what it has to say, you would be forgiven for wishing you had once been a ballerina. This sort of flexibily comes only from years of yoga and the limbo. So don't be upset, wipe away those tears and sign up to yoga classes right away. The biggest shame of all however comes in my inability to find any decent indian porn anywhere. And if what I have seen (very very little) is anything to go by, trembling, fleshy, ooeeey indian ladies should be avoided at all costs. It's just so nice to see a porn star who looks like they enjoy taking it up the bottom.

What do we think of porn. I have yet to watch porn with other people in the room. It icks me right off. Why is this? Because i'm afraid of my phallus? Because i've just not met the right person? or is it because it really is a dirty unflattering thing to do? This one is definately on my list of things to try.

So, getting back to the subject, I would be more than willing to undertake an A-Level in tantric sex, as long as I was awarded a certificate upon completion. What makes me laugh is the sense of equality that is pushed through the Kama Sutra when indian culture as a whole is far from being equalist. And let me think, how many indian women would receive divorce letters in the post if they, the night before, croached over their husbands in a Yugmapada pose and expected him to do the same.

I wonder if being Indian has made any difference to my sexuality. I dare say it might. It's like a tightly wound bandage being unravelled slowly. The tiger inside has been there for many many years.