''Hi everyone,
I'm sorry I've been a stranger recently but this week has easily been the worst of my life.
I appear to be in the thick of some dark place at the moment which seems very reluctant to release me. I am consumed with an overwhelming sense of emptiness, demotivation and above all, sadness - and to be honest I'm not quite sure how to cope with it.
I have a wealth of mixed emotions continually racing around my head ranging from 'please let this not be true, contact me and tell me it was one big mistake', through to, every word that came from her mouth must have been a lie because how can you tell someone some of the things she told me only days ago, and then finish what we had for someone else you have slept with and ate with once?
My head keeps thinking of all the times and things that happened during my time with her, trying to piece together the lies to make myself feel worse than I already do - when in fact on her part it was all just one big lie in which I clearly meant absolutely nothing. It makes no sense to me at all and I'm finding it all very difficult to deal with.
It has been suggested to me that perhaps she took the course of action she did to protect/save me from herself. If this was the case, why not have spared me this nightmare and told me this was the case. We could have sorted it out together. More importantly though, perhaps I didn't need saving from a girl I was falling in love with and could quite easily have spent my life with.
Ultimately I do not know what to think. Though the one thing I do know is that I will never know the answers to these thoughts that plague me daily and as such I must somehow learn to accept her choice has been made and it wasn't me. Once again, I wasn't important enough. It was never going to be me. I just hope this cloud soon passes and I can either learn to be happy with myself again, or find someone who possesses the ability to both remain faithful and make me happy.
Thank you all so much for your support and time at the moment, I thought it would be easier to post this rather than text you all individually.
How about dinner in London sometime soon?
-The Dame-''
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2 comments:
Dame, I do not have your number otherwise I would be texting this to you.
I have been where you are too many times to mention and I won't lie and say that each time it gets easier because it doesn't. I fall in love very very quickly and it takes me a long long while to fall out of it. I have had some extremely hurtful things done to me ranging from cheating to physical abuse. None of it is pleasant but I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I would date the same people and do the same things if I had my time again.
People might think that i'm mad because of it but essentially i'm 'me' because of it. if I hadn't woken up with bruises one morning and got through it, I might not have the strength to do some of the things I do and go through now.
We are not the closest of friends and we have not known each other long but if you need an ear or a shoulder to cry on then rest assured that I am never too far away.
Please please please don't regret what you did and don't hate the doctor for what she did (even though that might be easier said than done) because one day (and it might not be soon) you will smile about her and thank her in a strange way.
Desdemona
Desdemona
Thank you for your kind words. I don't hate her, don't think I have it in me. I just miss her. But, I've got to learn to move on because life doesnt stop moving just for me and I dont want to be lost for to long.
Hope to see you soon, and remember what I said about the lesbian thing... ;-)
The Dame
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