The Desdemona Dilemma

There are fewer things in life, let it be said, than good food and good conversation. The coupling of Desdemona and a highly individualistic Japanese restaurant provide ample support for this theory.

The Venue: Benihana restaurant in Piccadilly. Diners are seated in groups of 7 around a semi circular table, the middle of which is taken up by a grill. A chef then personally cooks an assortment of vegetables/fish/meat in front of you, culminating in a constant stream of eating. Small portions of food over a long period of time. 6 courses to be precise (excluding deserts). It wasn’t the cheapest meal despite a booking through top table. The money is essentially for some good healthy food and the experience of having a chef prepare it a metre away from your eyes. A personal chef, divided by seven if you will.

I hadn’t seen Desdemona in a long time and it was, as usual, a pleasure to meet with her. The thing is, and we both agreed on this matter, true friendship is the sort that can leave two friends as comfortable with each other two months after their previous meeting the same as had it been a day earlier. With true friends, it’s almost as though you were never apart.

And now for the sex…

‘We’ve only had sex five or six times in the past few months.’(Desdemona on the subject of her sex life once my sexual probing was in full swing)

For those of you familiar with Desdemona, this is indeed, for want of a better word, a shocker. For somebody whose sexual antics were and remain a great source of inspiration to me, to reveal something so, wrong, caught me completely off guard.

The problem, as far as I understand it, is that their sexual synchrony is completely conflicting. Hardly ever wanting it at the same time, coupled with complacency at being in a ‘secure’ relationship with a dash of the predictable thrown in for good measure. That Desdemona and Othello are on the verge of marriage is unsettling.

I don’t know whether it is me who is placing too much emphasis on sexual fulfilment, or whether, as Desdemona pointed out, sex isn’t really the be all and end all of a relationship. I know that we are very different in terms of our experience and that whereas I am greedy for kinky experimental sex, she has experienced rather a lot in terms of sexual gratification.

I think sex is important in any relationship and I think a life without it might be lacking in something quite fundamental. If the love is there and the intentions are there, is sex (or lack of exciting sex) enough to justify the end of a relationship? Why can’t we, at least when we’re young and excited, have it all? Is it really an impossible feat?

Issue No 1) She compares her present sex to that she was having with her ex, who was the best sex she’s ever had. Is this wrong? How does one put an end to the comparison?

Issue 2) Othello doesn’t seem interested in what turns her on, isn’t particularly good at sex (according to Desdemona) and she is faced with the decision between frequent sex of an average nature, or no sex at all.

Issue 3) the lack of pleasurable intercourse has meant that Desdemona has lost her libido.

I’m worried. Suggestions from you, dear readers, might be highly interesting in this matter.

How important is sex really, in the grand scheme of things. Can love and comfort compensate for an unfulfilling sex life. When your lover has the sexual potential ( as Othello does), is it right to be annoyed when he refuses to nurture this to your benefit?