Infidelity - The rules

‘Infidelity doesn’t mean a thing. It’s like having a wank, except a wo(man)’s body happens to be involved’ - The Dame (who no doubt pinched it from someone higher ranking)

Now, I’ve never had much time for people who happily go about fucking anything that moves and then declare themselves ‘hurt’ when it’s done right back to them.

The strength and dignity that comes with being able to stop a relationship in favour of another is something people so easily forget. It’s all too easy to have your cake and eat it.

A number of recent discussions I have had with friends of mine (all circling the maze that is infidelity) have posed a few interesting questions.

What actually constitutes infidelity? Take the example of two friends, one of who has a partner, sharing a bed and getting quite passionate. No kissing, no cumming and no touching of privates. Nevertheless, very intimate. Perhaps even, I would suggest, the most lethal type of intimacy. Are they cheating? Does there have to be sex in order to cheat? Does it all depend on ones own definition? And if it does, how do we ever catch a cheater?

And if you are the one who has been cheated on, under what grounds is it okay to welcome somebody back into your duvet? Are we back to the relative definitions category where the phantom stupid ponce is forgiving and forgetting more than they really should be?

Once is a mistake, twice is a habit? Two times and the relationship is over? Is this correct?

On the face of things, I suppose it is easy to forgive. By that same token it is also impossible to forget. Though, I do wonder, if you can’t forget, can you truly forgive?

One thing I’m firm on is this:

If you are the person doing the forgiving, make the utmost effort to forget. And if you’re making the decision to forgive, don’t use the infidelity as a weapon throughout the course of your relationship..

(Boyfriend and girlfriend five years after infidelity took place)
Boyfriend – ‘I hope nothing’s going on with you two.’ (refering to GirlF and some other boy)
Girlfriend – ‘Don’t worry, I’m not like you.’
Boyfriend- (saying anything that goes against the girlfriend)
Girlfriend – ‘But you’re the one who cheated five years ago.'

This is neither forgiving nor forgetting. Holding past infidelities the way you might ammunition isn’t a good idea. If you decide to put up, you should also learn to shut up. This is why, when faced with an adulterous lover, you need to think carefully before you let them back. Sometimes loneliness is far better than spiralling regret and misery.