Rules

How long are we supposed to wait before broaching the subject of rope fuelled S n M, and watersports with our sexual partner?

The reason I ask is because I'm sure that somewhere there exists a set of rules, or at least a bible of etiquette in this respect. Left to our devices i dread to think what we'd allow ourselves to do.

How long before you can completely let loose without any fear that your lover might bolt out of the door quicker than you can say 'harder'.

Of course, by the term 'lover' I mean, someone who you've had occasional sexual intimacy me. Note: 'LOVE' has nothing to do with actual roses or pangs of uncontrollable non-sexual emotion. I mean, the term's used very loosely.

So you've partaken in some sucky sucky, wanky wanky, licky licky and it's, say the third time you and the fuckbuddy (ah! that's the term I was after) are meeting.

Is it then okay to say you wouldn't actually mind them pissing on you, so long as they don't get any in your mouth or ear? Men can't aim. And so we need to collectively guide the flow of piss through our verbal instructions.

On telling a fuck buddy that you'd like him to wee all over your chest, he will have a number of options...

a) say 'no' politely and tell his friends what a weird freak you are, thereby ruling out the possibility that you might ever sleep with half of the Soho population who just happen to be within his friends circle.

b) say 'no' in an abrupt, hostile manner, thereby diminishing your lust, your erection and making you feel stupid, just before he remembers that he was supposed to meet his mum for supper and would you be terribly offended if he went earlier than planned?

c) say 'yes' but get overly excited with the onset of this sexual freedom. Suddenly the image of man pissing into my ear comes to mind.

d) say 'yes' and it all be perfect.

and for all this talk of weeing, I don't know how people do it. I find it hard enough to urinate in public cubicles whilst somebody releases their stream next door.

In situations such as this, i find gently rubbing the bell end eases out the piss. Focus your attention on thoughts of pale white nothingness and all should be dandy.

And as for S n M induced rope burns, well, they might just have to wait for another day.