Clean, Clear and Under Control

So, I promised myself that at least two nights this week would be spent watching episodes of 'Six Feet under' and eating Salami, indoors. As it worked out, I could only manage Monday evening and on Tuesday we had 'drinks and canopes' at work, so I paritially managed it, getting home at 8.30.

The thing is, more and more I find myself having no free time in the evenings. You see, the first sign of a friend in the vicinity and the prospect of food and decent conversation and my diary opens and closes more rapidly than Jordan's legs.

In keeping with the tradition of never-going-home-until-at least-10pm, I spent last night eating at Yo! Sushi with Ophelia.

A fantastic night as per usual, eating and talking and then going for cocktails.

As a peripheral matter, those of you who enjoy Sushi are strongly recommended to sign up for the Rainbow Offer. A dish of every colour for £10. Now that's what I call marvellous.

And for those of you who don't imagine raw fish and rice to be filling, you're wrong.

There still is very little in life, I imagine, that tastes better than chilled,fresh,raw salmon sashimi.Better than receiving a blow job, and that's probably saying enough.

And now to the conversation...

'I'm not liking ladies toilets these days' said Ophelia.
'Oh?'
'Yes, especially at work. I mean, I work with middle aged women and there's just something not quite right about them coming into the cubicle next to you and you being overcome by a smell of a fish market moments later.'

Hmm. I thought women were the cleaner sex.

'Perhaps it's because they are dry down there' she pondered.

A dismal middle-aged sex life is no excuse to stop caring for your pussy, I thought.

And that brings me nicely onto the subject of wet wipes.

It's now a firm belief of mine that wet wipes are the must have accessory for any single person regardless of sex.

Taking time to 'use the bathroom' before sex not only kills some of the mood, but also showcases our insecurities and vanity. What we must do instead is, on concluding that sex is an eventuality, pop to the lav, take out the small compact packet of wet wipes and have a quick rub...down there.

This coupled with a liberal application of bacteria removal cream and we should be ready. The thing about the cream is that it dries instantly leaving you smelling and feeling clean and fresh.

As a man, the sex of which determines often hurried sexual fumblings, I can think of no better way to ease the way. So to speak. Not that the bacterial scrub is a form of alternative for lubricant. It isn't. So don't.