‘Umm, excuse me. I haven’t been here before. Are all the guys naked in there?’ I asked, as I got changed and ready to enter the abyss that is the gay sauna.
‘No, they wear towels,’ came the response from an ageing oriental man.
‘Can I wear shorts? I mean, is it okay to wear shorts in there?’ I persisted.
‘No, just wear your towel.’
I wore my shorts anyways. Not everyone is comfortable enough to nude it up from the word go methinks.
My first hour (of the eventual 4.5 I spent in there) in Pleasuredrome @ Waterloo were possibly the most frightening of my life. You see, the lights in these places are dim and the place was much smaller than the website promised. The place is like a maze. So as I wandered around the first floor I came across a spa, two (tiny tiny) saunas, one steam room, two open dark rooms with video screens and a lounge area with pornographic materials scattered across the table. If ever sex had a mood, this was it.
The second floor consisted of a number or small and larger ‘dark rooms’ with men loitering outside. As I walked past these the ageing oriental man from before opened a door and pointed directly inside.
‘No’.
Next I went into the steam room where a man from Columbia thought it might be nice to run his hand up my leg and tell me I have the most beautiful face. I should have known all this before I ventured inside. I guess I thought the place would offer a bit more tact, a bit more, erotica. This place, just like all the others I’m led to conclude, is essentially a brothel. Never have I seen sex being so openly exercised. It’s my fault entirely and I don’t know why I was so shocked.
Another thing I didn’t much like was that people, given the option, prefer to remain silent, allowing their eyes to do the work. For example, two guys came into the Sauna, exchanged ‘the look’ and were off to a dark room quicker than you can say come.
Now, I’ve always understood the importance of lust, the greed that often comes with it. I have just never seen it so close up. The place smelt of lust.
So, ten minutes in and I’ve learnt exactly what this is all about, been hit on three times and received a countless number of looks from fat old and middle aged men.
In their defence, once you say no, nobody will bother you again. This is perhaps the biggest benefit of silence.
Quickly I came to realise that people weren’t here for the sauna, or the steam room. They wanted sex and if they didn’t get it, they felt their £13 entry fee was wasted.
I also found it hard to find many people who were English. It was as much a tourist attraction as the London Eye.
I also realised that there was a process most men in this place worked through until the orgasm was achieved.
Step 1 – settle into the sauna or steam room and move along the first floor spending minimal time in each area to gage an idea as to who you’d like to fuck if the opportunity arises, who’d like to fuck you and who you’d like to avoid.
Step 2 – when you finally decide that it’s time for sex, give somebody the eye and if it all works out, find a dark room quickly.
Step 3 – if nobody seems to be interested in you make your way to the darkrooms on the second floor and loiter around for there may be a man you like and a vacant room.
Step 4 – if ten minutes after step 3 you haven’t had your end away go back to step 1 and repeat the process. Most people have sex. The question is where and when the levels of desperation will boil over.
As an intermediate step, you may decide you’d like to watch old men wank themselves off in public. If this is the case, go to the open dark rooms and take a quick peek of what you may never see again.
Of course I looked! And it was perhaps the most unerotic thing I’ve ever come across.
So, you keep going over the cycle until you get laid/sucked or whatever it is you’d like to do.
Later that evening…
‘Would you mind if I watched you and somebody have sex?’ I asked. ‘That would turn me on.’
‘I wouldn’t mind, as long as the other guy is okay with it,’ came the response.
Great I thought, a voyeuristic experience might well be on the cards if nothing else.
Of course, the precise method of coupling two attractive men, getting them into a room, and asking whether I could watch proved, as you can imagine, futile. I did try though. I guess it’s one of those things where you have to be in the right place at the right time. These occurrences seldom happen in my life as a matter of fact.
Even later…
Whilst speaking with a guy from Manchester.
I should point out here that not all the men were old and fat. There were some young ones though not near enough to feed my appetite. In hindsight I wonder whether a weekend might prove to yield a greater level of success.
‘I know you want to watch’ he said, ‘but what if we just played?’
Mental check list –
Is he attractive – yes
Is he of firm mind and body – yes
Does he have a nice voice – no
Two out of three isn’t bad and well, I thought it’d be quite the opportunity to utilise one of those dark rooms and see what they’re all about. Dark rooms do have lights too I should add.
We got ourselves into a dark room and noticed there was a glory hole joining it and the room next to it. But nobody was inside the other room so we began.
We were barely naked when he whispered in my ear ‘There’s someone looking through that hole.’
I tried to get a view and could swear I saw a cock in the darkness, the luminous things that they are. Okay, so it freaked me out. It freaked me out even more when a hand appeared through the hole and began to massage the guy’s bum.
‘Shall we find a holeless room,’ he said.
‘Let’s.’
So, we both stumbled across the floor in search of a ‘normal’ room, erections pressed firmly against my shorts and well his, hanging out, sort of. Yikes.
Finally we found one that was without glary hole, without bars to the other side and was in fact, very vanilla.
As I look his (very erect) cock into my mouth, I recall being surprised by the taste of nothingness that always comes with cocks. ‘What a pity,’ I thought.
In among the sucking and kissing and licking the man carried a sense of urgency. Lifting my legs over my shoulders I’m sure he would have liked to fuck me had it not been for the line we’d drawn in our minds before all this even started. Most of the action that goes on in the darkroom comprises oral fun. Actual penetration seldom occurs. And, well, in a place like that, I don’t think I’d much like to be buggered.
Our ‘session’ was quick. We were done in less than ten minutes. Whether this was because I wanted to catch the last tube home or whether we were sexually inadequate, I have no idea.
How would I rate my experience? 7 out of 10. It was different to how I’d imagined. Too many older men. Perhaps even too claustrophobic. If you want sex and absolutely no strings then this is the place to go without a doubt. I’d feel more at ease were I to go again, though I’m not sure I’d return to Pleasuredrome again. There are many many more saunas and clubs to try.
It was an experience that opened my eyes and I got an orgasm out of it. I also fell into a great sleep once I got home. Saunas and steam rooms are a perfect relaxant. My £13 were well spent.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
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2 comments:
makes my weekend look positively dull!
J
Really insightful and interesting. You taught me a great deal. Just how long would you sauna? saunajournal.com
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