Charlotte Church

''It's my theme tune, it's my theme tune, it goes on and on... It's my theme tune, my lovely theme tune, it goes on and, it goes on and, it goes on and....on!'' - Charlotte Church.

Ophelia and I went to watch the live filming of ‘The Charlotte Church show’.

Yes, she is attractive in ‘real life.’
No, you can’t see her ‘bump.’
Yes, she is just as foul mouthed in ‘real life.’
Yes, I still love her just as much as I did before.
No, I wouldn’t go again, because although it was fun, it lasted for far too long and I was pissed off at Mr Warm Up who’s job (yes, his full time position of employment) it is to make us laugh once and then use this as ammunition to make us pre record laughs and claps of various durations and volumes. Anybody would assume Charlotte wasn’t funny enough herself.

If you have yet to visit a live recording similar to this one, I suggest you go to www.sroaudiences.com and book yourself some free tickets. I am still awaiting the outcome of my application for tickets to The Dame Edna Treatment. That’ll be fun, surely.

On that note, please watch The Charlotte Church tonight. I will be on, together with other minor celebrities including John Barrowman and Danny Dyer. For those of you who have seen me, watch out. For those of you who have a mental image of Gael Garcia Bernal every time we speak, keep that dream alive won’t you?

My celebrity status aside, Ophelia and I who were both on a brink of starvation-induced-death after the show made our way to Soho and to an always reliable Japanese restaurant named Satsuma.

Two bento boxes, a plate of salmon sashimi, a bowl of edamame and a portion of (the best) ebi katsu later, we had both perhaps eaten the most (quite literally) delicious Japanese food ever. That feeling, you know, when you could eat for all of eternity and still not tire of a plate of raw salmon, perfect. Better than receiving a blowjob in fact.

Of course, telling M, later that night, that raw fish was better than sex yielded a response in the form ‘You’re so sad.’ A little message to M of the-perpetual-margarita-pizza-eating- variety…WHATEVER.