Self Love

How much do we love ourselves?

How many times have we had the discussion entitled ‘Do Opposites really attract?’ with out friends? And how many of us have been in relationships (I use the term loosely) where the other person essentially hates everything we do but can’t seem to say no, and vice versa? How many of us are turned on by diversity and see opposites as the beings we wanted to be but never were. Is it fair to define your own happiness through the qualities you lack but which appear in somebody else? Does going out with the Opposite make you the Opposite?

Tis true, boredom comes easily to those in pursuit of happiness-inducing relationships. In fact, boredom comes too easily. Period. Boredom with ourselves, boredom with our life, boredom with the people around us. And so we seek something different and exciting and when we find it, we enjoy it and stick a tag on it ‘relationship’. And it makes us happy, I suppose, this exploration of a world so different from our own. A mind we’re so greedy to enter.

But the novelty that comes with diversity will wear off soon enough. You and I both know that. So, if I were to ask you ‘was it all worth it?’ you might say yes, for now you know what you truly want. And, as ashamed you may be of admitting it, you want somebody just like you. Essentially, it has taken somebody unlike you to teach you just how to appreciate the qualities you yourself possess. And was it necessary? A failed relationship from which you learnt nothing particularly useful? I suppose this question is aimed at people who only go for the black to their white, the tea to their coffee blah blah.

Whereas it’s all very nice and dandy learning about Astrophysics or the virtues of Zoology whilst in a past relationship, the real lesson comes once it’s all over. Once you realise the true ‘one’ is the poet who sat beside all through year three at University. Ah. What a sigh of relief!

So, bringing myself back to the point in question: where does this idea of self love stem from. What is it about us (and many of us are far far from perfect) that means we want to be in a relationship only with people who are similar. I suppose want is the incorrect word when what I mean is need. Whereas the desire to love an Opposite may remain strong and pervasive throughout your life, the reality you imagine for yourself (the happy reality I’m referring to) is always something quite different.

With the separation of life and love in the above manner, one is left with the question why?

I’m sure you’re all aware of Narcissus.

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a highly attractive man who the Goddess Echo, described as a beautiful nymph, was attracted to. Try so hard did she, to attract the attentions of this man, to get him to love her. But he refused. In fact, Narcissus refused all the beautiful nymphs who tired to woo him their way. And only then did one of them utter a little prayer to the lord:

‘Please Lord, allow Narcissus to feel what it is to love somebody completely, without receiving their love in return. Allow him to face the sadness of unrequited love.’

And so the Lord did.

Cursed was Narcissus to fall in love with the first thing he saw. And as he leaned forward to drink water from a pond, the reflection of himself caught his eye such that he could not tear himself away. Narcissus had fallen in love with himself.

Having engaged with this myth a little, one can’t help but wonder what it was about himself that he fell in love with.

I would imagine a small Narcissus in all of us. Though, I’d hope we’d all draw the line somewhere.

Do we want somebody like ourselves for purposes of familiarity? Or for purposes of security? After all, if we know what to expect, the fear of the unexpected ceases to exist.