Sauna

Two things you should know about me

A) I’m a clever cookie and spend time considering my actions before I generally take them. Leading a life entirely on a whim can be fun (occasionally) but may fail to grant you any sort of firm root.

B) I have a penis size which is comfortably above average. We’re not talking monstrous, we’re talking big enough with the promise of something exciting if handled correctly.

M has tried to convince me time and again that race has little to do with length/girth of the phallus, although I remain slightly unsure of the matter myself. To find an oriental man with a large one has the same probability, it would appear, as find Hugh Grant starring in a film in which he isn’t playing himself. Miniscule. The black man with a small one is also a distant nightmare it would appear.

And to the case in issue…

We all know what people think of Saunas (of the Homosexual variety). Seedy little cattlesheds for old men to sit and perv over the promise of sparse but young flesh.

Of course, a very high proportion of these people are self confessed hetero-bashing straightens who probably wouldn’t know a gay sauna even once they’d entered one (what a sight that would be).

I’m not for a moment suggesingt I know any better, I just think there simply must be something out there for young sexy horny me that involves a steam, water and a string of dark rooms.

The biggest issue for me is not where to find a decent sauna, but how to suppress and control my erection once I get their.

The thing is, and I’m not overly sure about other men, but I get turned on by horny surroundings. Period. The very fact that it was a gay sauna might cause me to rise, even though each man in there might, in principal, remind me of an ageing sprout.

So, the plan of action is thus:

a) Learn how to keep it down! Watch lots and lots of high class porn and control the beast that is. You don’t want all men to think they caused you to rise, or that your rising is in any way a consequence of their studishness. Chances are it won’t be.

b) Source a list of prospective Saunas (which I have done – there are 14 listed in London (a surprisingly small number and so very disproportionate to the number of cock fiddlers in this city.)

c) Find somebody good looking worth going with. Even I have difficulty envisaging myself scuttling off into the world of gay saunadom all alone. Sort of like the man who doesn’t believe in ghosts but would never actually say ‘Bloody Mary’ three times in a row opposite a mirror in a darkened room.

So, as my exams come to an end, and after I return to London from a break back home, I shall be on the prowl yet again. This time the prowl is getting bigger, the steaks much higher and the river of my lust filthier. Whether I’m successful is a different matter.

Cross those fingers and labia won’t you?