The Dame Chronicles

Written by my dear friend ‘The Dame’...

Back in hometown until Wednesday evening. My mission, to feel the warmth of the family fold and to sleep in my own bed. Instead I'm confronted by my mother who said to me today, and I quote, "why are you walking around wearing that, with a face like a slapped arse?". She was of course referring to my ever faithful favourite scruffy green jumper. It was at this point I was overwhelmed with the temptation to say "Well, actually mum if you must know, I am miserable. You see, I was seeing someone I liked very much, SHE finished with me and I miss HER a lot alright? Oh.. what sorry, of course I forgot, you think I have been straight and single since birth don't you - but well, no I haven't. I am walking around with a face like this because I just want to hear her voice or see her again OK, now can you leave me alone please?". This of course would have provoked no end of questions or an ejection from the house so instead my mumbled response was thus; "I'm just tired". I have been working long hours so this went down well, as did my head as it hit my pillow at 3pm. Strangely enough, I would love to talk to her about how I'm feeling at the minute but as with everything, the one person you would love to talk to is often the one person you can't.

On a more cheerful note, my brother and his girlfriend recently got back together. If you have ever met two people who are perfect for each other, its these two. I write this as they are in the room next door learning to know each other again (no not like that you dirty minded buggers). They are talking, giggling and play fighting and I can't help but smile for them. He has been walking around with a huge grin for days and it's lovely to see him happy again.

Have been conversing with one of Common Julie's acquaintances on Facebook for most of today. I have spoken to her many times on the phone, often late at night, and we discuss all sorts. She is, I might add, gorgeous. She said to me 'Ah, I finally get to see what you look like. Common Julie told me you looked like Ann Ramsey from 'Throw Momma from the Train'. I will have words with her'. She has also made a point of telling me "You know, I think you're lovely and if I were gay you'd definitely be my type". Is this meant to be a compliment? If you're reading this Olivia, I will take it as one.

Much love,
-The Dame-