Teacher

Great apologies for not writing anything earlier. Am trying desperately not to neglect the blog in face of impending exams. Puh.

So. Date with Teacher. Male. A head of year. On the fast - track.

‘I think you’re a really nice person’ he said, his eyes wandering (as they did for most of our date) in search of food. We were in West Hampstead. He wanted to eat Pitta bread and houmus like the girls on the table next to ours were.

The bar had just run out of hoummus. Unfortunately.

‘I’m so disappointed. The hoummus was just what I needed, I haven’t had lunch’ he said.
‘Well, why don’t you have something else instead?’ I persisted.
‘Well, yes but I wanted hoummus. In fact, they have a nice platter of cured meats which looks really nice but I’m not paying £7.00 for something that’s an appetizer.’
‘Okay’

Ten minutes later…

‘I’m really hungry. Shall I get something to eat? There’s some pasta at home, maybe I’ll have that. I really wanted that hoummus.’

Somebody get the boy a plate of houmuss I thought and went off to buy a round of gin and a Bloody Mary.

Further down the conversational path…

‘You’ve never had sex? Even with a woman? I’ve just never met anybody who was a complete virgin. I feel weird about it.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t want to teach somebody I guess.’

This is the Anal passage and this is the willy. If you put the willy inside the anal passage it might hurt, though shortly after you might feel gooooood. Inside the anal passage is something called the prostate gland. If you push against the prostate gland, the other man becomes very happy. If you hit the prostate gland enough times, white liquid comes out of the willy. Then you both turn over and fall asleep.

‘I think you’re a really nice person. Full of life. I just wish you weren’t a virgin’, he said, in between his hunger interludes.

I’ve always known the v badge might cause concern somewhere down the revolutionary road. Something tells me, if I wasn’t a virgin, I’d have had detention.

Lessons to be learnt: Eat food at lunchtime, if a cured meat platter looks appetising and you’re starving, get it. You’re a Head of Year. Not all virgins have to be taught what to put where. In fact, many virgins know much much more than people give them credit for.

And, just for your information, he ended up having an Indian takeaway. Funny that.