January Sale

Oh how I wish I were close enough to Soho this Christmas to take fullest advantage of the dildo buy one get one free offer, or even better, three cock rings for the price of two (and a packet of condoms as a promotional add on).

But I'm not. Shame on me. Nevermind, a quick last minute run around the London sex shops might still prove fruitful. Actually, coming to think of it, a porn sale would be right up my street, so to speak. Pornography can be so expensive. £22.99 for twenty orgasms, money well spent?

On the subject of orgasms, it occurred to me late last night, that they are one of a few things in life which guarantee happiness. No matter how grumpy one might be, or how pissed off with their partner for kissing the chav at the new exclusive club, an orgasm brings with it the ability to forget and to feel exhilarated, happy, even if only for a brief second. If we could have that orgasmic feeling without any need for physical exertion, i.e. if I could sell orgasms in a bottle, I'd charge 50p and still make a fortune.

Flipping back to the January sale, I have spent a tiny fortune on acquiring the boy-band-fuckable-fitted look. And I can slowly feel myself become one. And despite this I have many friends who have found zilch in among the stickered Xmas masses. Having said that, the boy-band-fuckable-fitted look hasn't come as cheap as one might have imagined, and as the position currently stands, I look a £1,000 and am probably worth -£567.50.

Mental Note: must save (or earn, in whichever way possible) enough money to continue living the life of a cultured social London butterfly the way I have been doing. Prostitution looks more and more appealing somehow. If the application process for escorting wasn't such a beast, I'd have made enough money to afford a flat and a rabbit (not the rampant variety I assure you).