Miss e-numbers - ingredients for a healthy relationship

Miss e-numbers and I went for lunch the other day. On the table was discussion as to why she felt it necessary to wear her BoyF down with fortnightly marriage proposals. Now, having some experience of the perpetual bunny boiler, what she had to say didn’t impress me at all.

‘The thing is, I’ve been trying for a long time to get him to marry me. And before, it seemed he wouldn’t, but I think now that he might. I just need to wear him down until he says yes, get him drunk or something.’

‘Fabulous darling, I doubt anybody’s ever tried that one before’, I offered.

She began to laugh. It has sort of become an in joke at the office.

‘Oh, how was your evening?’ They all ask.

‘Oh, you know, had dinner, asked the boy to marry me, again.’

I dare say, the reality for the poor BoyF, living under the constant gaze of an e-number loathing bunny boiling sweet lass must be excruciatingly painful. But she doesn’t deter, this one. At least, not until yesterday.

‘Two weeks ago, the BoyF went away and I was moody that he hadn’t invited me. That Friday we all went for drinks after work, do you remember?’

Of course I remembered that Friday post-work binge where everybody thought it was funny to put flowers in their hair and take photos of us looking, er, Hawaiian. Of course I remember drinking three slippery nipples which were served to us in flute –like glasses, ever-so-pretty. Of course I remember that the night had ended with an overly serious conversation about the merits of performing oral sex on menstrual women. Of course I remember these things.

So, Miss e-numbers had great fun that night and began to realise just how much fun she used to have when she was single. So much fun that the following Monday she asked me to go for drinks again and then again on the Friday. But I was flu-ridden and told her to bugger off.

So, now Miss e-numbers isn’t sure whether she wants to pursue the relationship but feels that a lacking sex drive (the primary factor) is not reason enough to end a relationship. Thank goodness he hasn’t accepted her proposals yet.

‘I just don’t ever think about or want sex regularly. But there are other things which I’m very happy about in our relationship, and he seems to desire me constantly’.

Again, we’ve reached that age of dilemma. How much longer before the sex fizzles out completely.

Even asexual people eventually succumb to lust, it’s my modest opinion. Even they want to stick it in and have somebody moan in response. They just don’t know it yet, that’s all.

A positive to emerge from this deliberation is, however, that we’ve avoided talk of artificial colours and preservatives. And instead, we have lessons on how to wear down men enough for them to accept a marriage proposal, regardless of when they want to. If she wasn’t such a bunny boiler, I think I’d say Miss e-numbers has certain spunk.