Colleagues

A change of job equals a change of people. Let me introduce you to some of my work colleagues:

'Miss e-numbers' - in the queue at the work canteen we passed the mushy peas, as you do. 'What do you thinks in those peas that make them so green?' she asked.

'Hmm, crushed emeralds?' i volunteered. She wasn't impressed.

'Peas aren't usually so green' she persisted ' they're probably full of additives and preservatives.

'Probably, shall we just get some anyways? i suggested and helped myself to a big dollop, seen as it was Fish n Chip Friday and everything.

She must be a careful eater I concluded. Good for her. Goodness knows too many people eat too much shit these days, most without even realising it.

And on the second date she took my bag of Percy pigs and began to read the ingredients.

'Well the flavourings aren't artificial which is good but there are still e numbers which are bad for you' she said.

'Are there?' i said, noticing that my pace was quickening as i ate them growing more and more fearful that she was going to chuck them in the dustbin.

On day three we had training. Training with bottles of sparkling and still water placed neatly on the desks.

'Is fizzy water bad for you?' she asked. 'How do they put the air in the water?'

'Do i look like Delia? I asked. A wasted joke considering she's a Kiwi.

And if i recall correctly, that entire lunch time was spent discussing what sort of air was used to make carbonated water. None of us were quite sure and to my surprise, far too many people were bothered about this issue.

And then yesterday she told me that i was far better off drinking full fat fizzy drinks. Diet drinks (which I happen to loathe), she said, were full of crap, just full of it.

'Well, they're too sweet for me' i said, trying to form an opinion.

Of course E numbers are horrid things. Of course we'd all love to buy pots of fruit and organic yogurt with our money.

Can't we simply eat it instead of talking about it? It would seem the answer is no.

My Percy Pigs are now forever hidden in my bag.

Other than that, she's adorable - this Kiwi of mine.

And then there are the fully fledged Australians with whom I work.

'Tell me something,' I said to one of the Ozzy's sitting opposite me, 'why don't Australians say strewth sheila more often'.

Now, every time he sees me he says ' Strewth, what are those Sheilas up to?'

And each time it makes me happy. Strewth it's great!