The purity of being pure

Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind is written large in his works.

-Virginia Woolf

I wonder if this is true for sex. I wonder if the way you make love (ugh) to someone, or the way you fuck (better) tells the story of what's really going on inside that head of yours. Are horrid lovers generally horrid people? I am inclined to say perhaps they are.

Which woman is it that feels a man's fingers enter her, and truly questions what goes through his mind as he does this. Is he intrigued; trying to get a feel for what it's like inside the cave. Perhaps he wants to see just how far the fingers might go. He may just want to explore the area fully, the way a marine biologist explores the ocean: never quite aware of what lies beneath but pretty damn sure there's something huge left to discover. Perhaps the man (or woman) wants to see if they can exert their control fully, whether in fact the gear stick to 'THE WOMAN' is down there. And as they watch her eyes roll back and a few moans escape her mouth, they know they have it. That in that one moment alone, they've captured the woman. And it is this, i'm sure of it, that turns him (or her) on, precisely this.

But what is sex afterrall? It's about giving and receiving (atleast it should be), but really, how can you expect to give badly and receive so nicely? It's simple, you can't. And this is where the good fucks are sorted from the bad. As i will shortly find out. For the truth of sex is this, has always been this: The biggest pleasure is in giving pleasure. (And don't you believe anything else!)

Was my last day temping today. The stapler, the paperclips, the lever arch files, oh yes, those lever arch files can tidy themselves or rot in hell, for i am done. And earlier this morning i had a discussion as i sifted and sorted through a wad of invoices (ask any more and it's over!) We ( the girl and i) discussed what it meant to be a virgin. More precisely, what it means to be a virgin in their twenties, for, whether we like it or not, we are a rare species.

'People always say it's a good thing to still be a virgin, but i don't really think it is'. This is what the girl said as she inserted the invoices, one by one, into a lever arch file.
If they like the idea of virginity so much, why aren't they all still virgins themselves i ask. It's probably because they couldn't help themselves as they were humped (or did the humping) in the back of their ford fiesta, late one cold december night straight after their fifteenth birthday.

And now, they have more experience than we virgins do. They know what goes where and for how long and which hole requires an entrance fee to be paid at the gate ( and no, the fake NUS will not give you 10% off).

But is it really worth it, doing everything so young? Surely there's something to be said for waiting, for preparing your mind, for craving and then obtaining the experience you've forever thought about. Because the one thing that can let sex down, is boredom and boredom comes from repitition. And those flowers plucked early will also die early, won't they? (the lady on QVC, did however manage to convince me that there exists in this universe a spray which will preserve fresh flowers for weeks on end!, but that's besides the point).

The reason i have waited these many years is because i was dissillusioned and unsure. I had little idea how to fuck and who to fuck, who i'd like to fuck and who might like to fuck me. But now i know, and the bomb is ticking away slowly.

It makes me smile reading all i have written. It makes me smile that a virgin could write like they have a sexual CV the size of their arm. But you don't need to fuck to know what fucking is all about. And THAT, dear readers, is the purest thing about being pure.